Join Sheryl Paul, a counselor informed by the Jungian depth psychological tradition, and her co-host Victoria Russell, as they dive into the realms of our inner worlds and explore actions we can take to grow more self-trust and self-love. These bi-weekly episodes will provide guidance for diminishing fear and shame, embracing sensitivity and creativity, and approaching life with curiosity and compassion.
Episodes
Friday Oct 24, 2025
Friday Oct 24, 2025
In today's episode, Sheryl and Victoria unpack an idea explored in Sheryl's upcoming course Open Your Heart: A 30-Day Course to Feel More Love and Attraction for Your Partner: a pattern of criticizing and micromanaging your partner is a surefire way to close your heart and add bricks to a wall between you.
Sheryl and Victoria name the historical, cultural, and societal influences behind the word "nag" or "nagging," which cannot be uncoupled from patriarchy and capitalism, then circle back to this question: when we are with a loving partner who is doing their best and trying to meet us halfway, and we still find ourselves quick to nitpick, criticize, and attempt to control them, how can we regain intentionality and find spaciousness to chart a healthier path forward?
References:
- Sheryl’s course “Open Your Heart: A 30-Day Course to Feel More Love and Attraction for Your Partner,” starting on November 15, 2025.
5 months ago
@Mathew, thank you for this very thoughtful comment! That’s a very interesting perspective on the ”compliment sandwich” technique, and I can see how it could feel like a negation of the positive, or perhaps feel a bit inauthentic. I think that genuineness and specificity is very important (most people can sense when we’re being disingenuous). Saying ”You did a good job, but also you totally missed the point, and I love your sweater,” is probably not going to land well or be helpful. But I think being specific and action-oriented, and taking a hopeful/problem-solving/teamwork-oriented approach can go a long way. When I’m tutoring someone working on an essay, it might look something like: ”I love the vivid imagery you use in the opening paragraph. The details about your grandmother’s kitchen made me feel like I was there. The middle part of the essay starts to stray into more general statements that aren’t as specific and personal to you, so I think we can do some work together there to make the middle as strong as the beginning. You clearly have a good sense for sensory detail, so let’s bring that into the rest of it.” If something feels really off, that’s where I will take a step back and ask more questions rather than launching into critique--questions about how they’re doing, their frame of mind, what’s important to them, how they feel about it. Oftentimes people know where they’re struggling, and if they feel safe, they’ll share that, and then we can brainstorm solutions together. It’s not always that easy, of course, but those were just a few thoughts that came to mind as I pondered your very thought-provoking comment! Thanks for listening :) --Victoria
5 months ago
I find this discussion so helpful as I tend to be very critical of how other people function, especially at work. I have long known the value of sharing specific positive observations but I because these positive actions usually cause more ease in my day they don’t illicit a response were as the negative action “need” intervention to address them. While working on strategies to offer more positive feedback I was warned to stay away from the compliment sandwich as it was noted as a way of slipping negativity in and that it sours both the compliments and the negative feedback, reducing the power of both. What are your thoughts on that advice?