Gathering Gold

The Power of the Pause

In today’s episode, we are talking about a simple, yet powerful tool we all can use as we seek to live from more wisdom and less reactivity: the ability to pause. Whether we are arguing with our partner, greeting a loved one as they enter the house, or moving from one task to the next, incorporating a pause can help us to shift our energy, practice gratitude, and remember who we really are and how we want to be.

Sheryl and Victoria take a one-minute pause in the middle of the episode (and invite you to as well), then discuss what came up for them—from self doubt, to last night’s dreams.

And, they reflect on how the pause is humanizing and friendly—a comma in the long run-on sentence of the day, a semi-colon wink of awareness, and even a reminder not to take it all so seriously. 

The Hidden Gifts in Slowing Down

In today’s episode, you’ll hear us speaking more slowly, pausing longer, listening more closely. That’s because we wanted to approach the subject of slowing down, and we didn’t want to just talk about it. We wanted to do it. 

We invite you to join us as we float down the slow-moving river of conversation today. Notice as you listen what arises in your mind and heart, what happens to your nervous system, your body, your thoughts. Do you catch a deeper breath than you’ve gotten all day? Do you find a quiet spot in your mind where before there was only noise? We certainly did while recording. 

We hope you feel embraced by the slowness. We hope you feel the shame or fear or resistance loosen, and kindness, warmth and compassion enter, as we ponder how to invite slowness in—and what awaits us when we do. 

 

References:

• Jungian analyst Marion Woodman
• The Great Swamp National Wildlife Refuge
• NJ-based yoga teacher Khay Muhammad
• Perennials episode with Khay Muhammad 
• “You Can’t Rush Your Healing” by Trevor Hall

Deep Conversations

Have you ever wished that you could join the conversations that you hear in podcasts? Do you find yourself longing for deeper conversations with people you meet in your daily life?

In today’s episode, we’re responding to a question from Monique, a member of our Patreon community: “How do you go about having deeper conversations when not everyone wants or is in the head space to have them, or they find deep conversations uncomfortable?”

Sheryl and Victoria explore what we really mean when we say "deep conversations," conditions that help us reach more depth, and some of the barriers that keep us at the surface. And, we consider the importance of meeting people where they are and building trust to invite deeper connection. 

References:

• Stolen Focus, by Johann Hari
• Envelopes of Air, by Natalie Diaz and Ada Limón 

Dream Work

Dreams: they comfort us and terrify us, send us into flights of fantasy and doubt, connect us to our aliveness and ancestors. They are potent portals, bridges into another realm. And yet, we often forget dreams, dismiss them, or even try to avoid them. We fear the unknown: what will they reveal to us? What might we discover? What might we have to face in them?

In today’s episode, we talk about meeting dreams with curiosity, openness and even playfulness, so that we can tap into their gold. Sheryl shares her view of dreams as metaphor, and her gentle, joyful approach to honoring and getting into relationship with these deep reservoirs of wisdom and creativity. 

References:

• Sheryl’s Grace Through Uncertainty course registration
• Jeremy Taylor, The Wisdom of Your Dreams
• Paul McCartney: “Let It Be,” “Yesterday”
• Robert Johnson, Inner Work
• Jill Melick, The Art of Dreaming 

The Father Wound

Today's episode features a very special guest: Daev Finn, Sheryl's beloved husband (and Victoria's uncle!)

Daev is an artist/psychotherapist and former visual effects artist, and recent graduate of Depth psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute.

In today's episode, Daev talks about the father wound, relationships between fathers and sons, and his experience fathering two highly sensitive sons. He explores myths and stories that illuminate this topic, and discusses how fathers and "fairy godfathers" can help guide boys towards more vulnerability, connection to emotions, and connection to self. 

You can find out more about Daev and read his articles on Medium, and learn about his psychotherapy practice at Integrating Insights. 

World Pain

In today’s episode, we’re talking about responding to the pain in our hearts and around the world when we turn on the news and see yet another horrific tragedy, like the recent shootings in Buffalo, New York and Uvalde, Texas. How do we keep our hearts open? How do we allow ourselves to lament, and meet our grief and rage, all while continuing to tend to the mundane tasks of our daily lives? How do we know whether we are doing enough to show up for the world in all its pain? 

We bring the words and lessons of many teachers into today’s episode to help guide us as we wrestle with these questions alongside you: teachers in the form of rabbis and civil rights activists, Buddhists and climate justice writers, mindful skaters and hospital chaplains. We are grateful for their guidance and contributions, and we are grateful for you. 

 

References:

• Words from Martin Luther King Jr: “The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice.” “I must confess, I am tired.”; Letter from a Birmingham Jail 
• Jewish wisdom: "You are not obligated to finish the work of perfecting the world, but neither are you free to desist from it."
• On Being episode: "The Opposite of Good is Indifference," featuring Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel quote: "We must learn how to be surprised, not to adjust ourselves. I am the most maladjusted person in society."
• Season 4, Episode 2 of the No Place Like Home podcast, featuring Mary Anne Hitt, Anna Jane Joyner, and Mary Annaïse Heglar 
• The 50th Gate: Tracking Our Growth through the Counting of the Omer, by Rabbi Gavriel Goldfelder 
• Shelly Tygielski, @mindfulskatergirl
• Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown 
• Lama Rod Owens and his recent talk with Action for Happiness
• JS Park 

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety can feel like a scream from the soul, like love choking on its own breath. It springs from a variety of sources, both genetic and environmental, and often thrives in a mixture of deep love, profound fear of loss, an exaggerated sense of threat, and an underestimation of our own competence. Separation anxiety calls for individuation, for leaning upon an inner parent, as well as social and even spiritual connection. 

In today's episode, Sheryl and Victoria explore their own stories of separation anxiety from their earliest memories, and Sheryl shares her son's recent triumph in this realm.  

The Mother Wound

"Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself
They come through you but not from you
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you..."

-- from "On Children" by Khalil Gibran

 

In today's episode, we explore the mother wound in its tender, painful, personal, and collective layers. Sheryl shares her gentle approach to exploring this wound, which includes compassion for the generations of mothers wounded by the patriarchy and embrace of "good enough" mothering. She offers a definition and some signs and symptoms of the mother wound, as well as poetry that speaks to her own mother-longings. Victoria and Sheryl reflect on lessons learned from the book Wise Child, by Monica Furlong, and its beautiful depictions of Great Mother love that can help us reclaim our power and free ourselves and each other.