Gathering Gold

Self-Trust, Grief and the Body

Due to a family emergency, Victoria wasn’t able to record with me this week (I share more about this in the episode), so I had to harness my self-trust and fly solo. I watched self-doubt peer in from the wings, and I utilized the skills that I teach to make room for the doubt and also become curious about what might be living underneath it.

Through this process, I invite you to join me as we create a sacred space for whatever grief you may be carrying. I then talk about how caring about what random others think and trying to contort ourselves into an externalized mold interfere with our ability to make decisions that are rooted in our bodies and our values. I elucidate this by sharing a story about how our son, Everest, is navigating his college application process right now.  

Finally, I share a remarkable quote from Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry about the link between grind culture, trust, and the body.

--Sheryl

When We Mess Up

Recently, we've had episodes about purity, perfectionism, and what it means to be (or not to be!) "good." We've emphasized again and again that no one is perfect, that we are all messy human beings with flaws, who make mistakes.

In today's episode, we are getting a bit more specific about what it means to be imperfect: we are sharing stories of recent times when we have messed up, what those mess-ups felt like for us, and how we worked through them. From dead houseplants and near-accidents to (very large) impulsive purchases, we're talking about the shame, guilt, regret, humor, learning, and grace that have accompanied some recents "oops" moments.

This is actually our second attempt at this conversation. The first conversation, which felt a bit messier (but no less interesting!) will be released as our bonus episode on our Patreon next Friday. Sign up to hear some behind-the-scenes thought processing, and for extra stories about how Victoria deeply disappointed a friend (and made amends) and some of Sheryl's confessions of high school rebellion. 

You Do Not Have to Be Good

In today’s episode, we're wrestling and dancing with Mary Oliver’s beloved poem “Wild Geese,” starting with its bold opening line: “You do not have to be good.” 

We consider questions like: What if being “good” has been a key part of our identity for years? What does it mean to not be good? Is it an excuse to be selfish? 

And what does it mean to “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”? What might that have to do with self-trust and finding our own voice?

...And what if we are the wild geese? 

All this, and much more, in today's episode. 

 

References:

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

On Being episode with Mary Oliver: "I got saved by the beauty of the world"

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” --from “The Summer Day,” by Mary Oliver 

How to be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question, by Michael Schur, creator of the TV show The Good Place 

Dr. Becky Kennedy episodes of We Can Do Hard Things

Purity and Perfectionism

We start today’s episode with a story from Sheryl about how getting covid brought up the voices of purity and perfectionism in her—cold, scolding, cruel voices. Sheryl shares how she worked through these voices with the help of a compassionate friend and dialoguing in her journal.

Victoria reflects on her fear of contamination, reckons with trying to play God, feels the pressure of perfectionism in her body, and sheds tears.

Sheryl describes her spiritual perspective on facing our fallibility and offers a ritual for release. And, she shares a meditation on what it feels like to know in your bones: you are loved. 

 

References:

• Thich Nhat Hahn’s Four Mantras of Presence
• The Jewish month of Elul
• The Examen 

The Fear of Death with Chaplain J.S. Park

In today's episode, we welcome a special guest, J.S. Park, to talk with us about that most primal human fear, the fear of death. And, we talk about the "lost language" of grief, and some of the historical roots of how and why we lost it.

As a hospital chaplain, J.S. Park offers grief counseling and end-of-life care among his many duties. We spoke with him about how this role has shaped the way that he views life and death. He shares a story of vulnerability, presence, and wonder, of living deeply into the fullness and complexity of his humanity. 

We know this is a very tender topic, especially for highly sensitive people who struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, and certain types of OCD. Please take good care of yourself and listen only if you want to, and only if you are feeling well-resourced and well-supported right now. 

The Power of the Pause

In today’s episode, we are talking about a simple, yet powerful tool we all can use as we seek to live from more wisdom and less reactivity: the ability to pause. Whether we are arguing with our partner, greeting a loved one as they enter the house, or moving from one task to the next, incorporating a pause can help us to shift our energy, practice gratitude, and remember who we really are and how we want to be.

Sheryl and Victoria take a one-minute pause in the middle of the episode (and invite you to as well), then discuss what came up for them—from self doubt, to last night’s dreams.

And, they reflect on how the pause is humanizing and friendly—a comma in the long run-on sentence of the day, a semi-colon wink of awareness, and even a reminder not to take it all so seriously. 

The Hidden Gifts in Slowing Down

In today’s episode, you’ll hear us speaking more slowly, pausing longer, listening more closely. That’s because we wanted to approach the subject of slowing down, and we didn’t want to just talk about it. We wanted to do it. 

We invite you to join us as we float down the slow-moving river of conversation today. Notice as you listen what arises in your mind and heart, what happens to your nervous system, your body, your thoughts. Do you catch a deeper breath than you’ve gotten all day? Do you find a quiet spot in your mind where before there was only noise? We certainly did while recording. 

We hope you feel embraced by the slowness. We hope you feel the shame or fear or resistance loosen, and kindness, warmth and compassion enter, as we ponder how to invite slowness in—and what awaits us when we do. 

 

References:

• Jungian analyst Marion Woodman
• The Great Swamp National Wildlife Refuge
• NJ-based yoga teacher Khay Muhammad
• Perennials episode with Khay Muhammad 
• “You Can’t Rush Your Healing” by Trevor Hall

Deep Conversations

Have you ever wished that you could join the conversations that you hear in podcasts? Do you find yourself longing for deeper conversations with people you meet in your daily life?

In today’s episode, we’re responding to a question from Monique, a member of our Patreon community: “How do you go about having deeper conversations when not everyone wants or is in the head space to have them, or they find deep conversations uncomfortable?”

Sheryl and Victoria explore what we really mean when we say "deep conversations," conditions that help us reach more depth, and some of the barriers that keep us at the surface. And, we consider the importance of meeting people where they are and building trust to invite deeper connection. 

References:

• Stolen Focus, by Johann Hari
• Envelopes of Air, by Natalie Diaz and Ada Limón