Gathering Gold

Connective Parenting with Michelle Kenney

We were thrilled to speak with Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach who has helped thousands of parents stop using punishments and yelling and learn kind limits. 

In today’s episode, Michelle shares her journey to connective parenting, and how she learned to be empathetic and playful with her own strong willed child. 

In this conversation, we talk about perfectionism in parenting and navigating differences in parenting styles with family, other caregivers, and even one’s partner. Michelle describes how techniques like “special time” and listening partners can make all the difference for those who want to reconstruct themselves as parents. 

You can follow Michelle on Instagram @peaceandparenting and check out her podcast, Peace and Parenting, including her recent episode with Sheryl: Anxiety Around Parenthood.

References:

• Michelle’s forthcoming book, Unpunished
• Hand in Hand Parenting

 

Sexual Sovereignty

Our bodies know when we want to be touched, and when we don’t want to be touched. Desire and agency simmer in our throats, ready to emerge as “Yes” or “No,” to protect our sovereignty over our own bodies and sexuality. But centuries of patriarchy and violations in our personal histories may have disconnected us from the channel of our desire, and the agency of our voice. 

In today’s episode, we explore how “yes” and “no” in the sexual realm are intimately and irrevocably intertwined.  We linger on re-learning our right to say “no,” for, as Sheryl reminds us, there is no true yes without no. One depends upon the other. We explore some of the common themes that emerge when people feel disconnected from their desire—history of assault or abuse, feeling touched out, grappling with sexual pain, buckling under pressure and expectations. And we invite the warm light of compassion and gentle love to wash over us and bring us back to safety. 

Within this vast, deep, and sometimes painful conversation, there is also room for rediscovering eros, for finding solace, power, joy and laughter within sisterhoods and within ourselves. 

We can gently uncover pathways leading us back to the place that most naturally belongs to us—with time, patience, gentleness, and a bit of ferocity. 

References and Resources:

• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course information and registration
• Sheryl’s blog post, "This is One of the Best Ways to Get Sexually Aroused"
• Perennials Podcast Episode 61: Embracing Weakness with Shannon K. Evans
• Sheryl’s upcoming Sacred Sexuality free webinar
• Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
• The Chalice and the Blade by Riane Eisler
• Story about Amy Poehler in Bossypants by Tina Fey
• Lizzo, body positivity and self-love 

Artifacts of the Heart

In a society (and a holiday season) often focused on consumerism, we can sometimes forget to treasure the special objects in our lives—things handmade or heartfelt, infused with prayers and dreams, memories and love, that we hold as totems while traversing our daily lives and rituals. 

In our last episode, Sheryl spoke about some "artifacts of the heart" that she took with her when evacuating under threat of a flood. In this episode, we turn our attention with reverence to some more of our most sacred objects. A pendant, a scarf, a candle holder, a guitar: each holds stories, stories of people and places that have shaped us, practices that bolster us, values we live by. We are sharing some of those stories today. 

We hope this episode helps you to reflect on your own artifacts of the heart, and that you'll share some of their stories with us. 

Darkness & Light

There are different kinds of darkness. 

Sometimes we head out into darkness to go on a journey—there might be fear or nervousness, but also excitement and curiosity. What glittering stars might guide our way? What might we see once our eyes adjust? 

Then there is the type of darkness that envelops us when we experience a dark night of the soul, the kind that might, if we’re lucky, be part of some mysterious transformation or initiation. 

And then there is the darkness that appears when the greatest horrors of the world show their face—the kind of darkness that must be stamped out, the kind that no one should ever have to face. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria are talking about the tools that help us meet darkness, and dispel it, if only for a moment.

We share some of the practices and objects that help us summon light and fortify ourselves when the sun goes down and night stretches on. 

References:

• Poet Mary Oliver
• "Camomile Tea," by Katherine Mansfield
• "All Things Must Pass," by George Harrison

 

There Is Another Way

“We are tired, exhausted. We know that there’s a better way, a more humane way, a more balanced way. We’re not sure what that looks like yet, but we know that it’s possible.”

In today’s episode, Sheryl reflects on her bodily knowing that there must be another way to do life, one that is more balanced than what we’ve grown accustomed to: rushing, competing, depleted, disconnected. We may be accustomed, but we are not adjusted. We are collectively exhausted and yearning. 

Sheryl shares how making the Gathering Gold podcast has helped her lean into another way: a way of collaboration rather than constantly flying solo. She reflects on taking more time to rest since her 50th birthday and embracing feminine qualities that are so often denigrated in favor of the masculine. And she shares a poem that speaks to the feminine wisdom that is buried but still alive, its heart beating under the soil of time, waiting for us to rediscover it and begin to remember another way to be. 

Self-Trust, Grief and the Body

Due to a family emergency, Victoria wasn’t able to record with me this week (I share more about this in the episode), so I had to harness my self-trust and fly solo. I watched self-doubt peer in from the wings, and I utilized the skills that I teach to make room for the doubt and also become curious about what might be living underneath it.

Through this process, I invite you to join me as we create a sacred space for whatever grief you may be carrying. I then talk about how caring about what random others think and trying to contort ourselves into an externalized mold interfere with our ability to make decisions that are rooted in our bodies and our values. I elucidate this by sharing a story about how our son, Everest, is navigating his college application process right now.  

Finally, I share a remarkable quote from Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry about the link between grind culture, trust, and the body.

--Sheryl

When We Mess Up

Recently, we've had episodes about purity, perfectionism, and what it means to be (or not to be!) "good." We've emphasized again and again that no one is perfect, that we are all messy human beings with flaws, who make mistakes.

In today's episode, we are getting a bit more specific about what it means to be imperfect: we are sharing stories of recent times when we have messed up, what those mess-ups felt like for us, and how we worked through them. From dead houseplants and near-accidents to (very large) impulsive purchases, we're talking about the shame, guilt, regret, humor, learning, and grace that have accompanied some recents "oops" moments.

This is actually our second attempt at this conversation. The first conversation, which felt a bit messier (but no less interesting!) will be released as our bonus episode on our Patreon next Friday. Sign up to hear some behind-the-scenes thought processing, and for extra stories about how Victoria deeply disappointed a friend (and made amends) and some of Sheryl's confessions of high school rebellion. 

You Do Not Have to Be Good

In today’s episode, we're wrestling and dancing with Mary Oliver’s beloved poem “Wild Geese,” starting with its bold opening line: “You do not have to be good.” 

We consider questions like: What if being “good” has been a key part of our identity for years? What does it mean to not be good? Is it an excuse to be selfish? 

And what does it mean to “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”? What might that have to do with self-trust and finding our own voice?

...And what if we are the wild geese? 

All this, and much more, in today's episode. 

 

References:

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

On Being episode with Mary Oliver: "I got saved by the beauty of the world"

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” --from “The Summer Day,” by Mary Oliver 

How to be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question, by Michael Schur, creator of the TV show The Good Place 

Dr. Becky Kennedy episodes of We Can Do Hard Things