Gathering Gold

Darkness & Light

There are different kinds of darkness. 

Sometimes we head out into darkness to go on a journey—there might be fear or nervousness, but also excitement and curiosity. What glittering stars might guide our way? What might we see once our eyes adjust? 

Then there is the type of darkness that envelops us when we experience a dark night of the soul, the kind that might, if we’re lucky, be part of some mysterious transformation or initiation. 

And then there is the darkness that appears when the greatest horrors of the world show their face—the kind of darkness that must be stamped out, the kind that no one should ever have to face. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria are talking about the tools that help us meet darkness, and dispel it, if only for a moment.

We share some of the practices and objects that help us summon light and fortify ourselves when the sun goes down and night stretches on. 

References:

• Poet Mary Oliver
• "Camomile Tea," by Katherine Mansfield
• "All Things Must Pass," by George Harrison

 

There Is Another Way

“We are tired, exhausted. We know that there’s a better way, a more humane way, a more balanced way. We’re not sure what that looks like yet, but we know that it’s possible.”

In today’s episode, Sheryl reflects on her bodily knowing that there must be another way to do life, one that is more balanced than what we’ve grown accustomed to: rushing, competing, depleted, disconnected. We may be accustomed, but we are not adjusted. We are collectively exhausted and yearning. 

Sheryl shares how making the Gathering Gold podcast has helped her lean into another way: a way of collaboration rather than constantly flying solo. She reflects on taking more time to rest since her 50th birthday and embracing feminine qualities that are so often denigrated in favor of the masculine. And she shares a poem that speaks to the feminine wisdom that is buried but still alive, its heart beating under the soil of time, waiting for us to rediscover it and begin to remember another way to be. 

Self-Trust, Grief and the Body

Due to a family emergency, Victoria wasn’t able to record with me this week (I share more about this in the episode), so I had to harness my self-trust and fly solo. I watched self-doubt peer in from the wings, and I utilized the skills that I teach to make room for the doubt and also become curious about what might be living underneath it.

Through this process, I invite you to join me as we create a sacred space for whatever grief you may be carrying. I then talk about how caring about what random others think and trying to contort ourselves into an externalized mold interfere with our ability to make decisions that are rooted in our bodies and our values. I elucidate this by sharing a story about how our son, Everest, is navigating his college application process right now.  

Finally, I share a remarkable quote from Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry about the link between grind culture, trust, and the body.

--Sheryl

When We Mess Up

Recently, we've had episodes about purity, perfectionism, and what it means to be (or not to be!) "good." We've emphasized again and again that no one is perfect, that we are all messy human beings with flaws, who make mistakes.

In today's episode, we are getting a bit more specific about what it means to be imperfect: we are sharing stories of recent times when we have messed up, what those mess-ups felt like for us, and how we worked through them. From dead houseplants and near-accidents to (very large) impulsive purchases, we're talking about the shame, guilt, regret, humor, learning, and grace that have accompanied some recents "oops" moments.

This is actually our second attempt at this conversation. The first conversation, which felt a bit messier (but no less interesting!) will be released as our bonus episode on our Patreon next Friday. Sign up to hear some behind-the-scenes thought processing, and for extra stories about how Victoria deeply disappointed a friend (and made amends) and some of Sheryl's confessions of high school rebellion. 

You Do Not Have to Be Good

In today’s episode, we're wrestling and dancing with Mary Oliver’s beloved poem “Wild Geese,” starting with its bold opening line: “You do not have to be good.” 

We consider questions like: What if being “good” has been a key part of our identity for years? What does it mean to not be good? Is it an excuse to be selfish? 

And what does it mean to “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”? What might that have to do with self-trust and finding our own voice?

...And what if we are the wild geese? 

All this, and much more, in today's episode. 

 

References:

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

On Being episode with Mary Oliver: "I got saved by the beauty of the world"

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” --from “The Summer Day,” by Mary Oliver 

How to be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question, by Michael Schur, creator of the TV show The Good Place 

Dr. Becky Kennedy episodes of We Can Do Hard Things

Purity and Perfectionism

We start today’s episode with a story from Sheryl about how getting covid brought up the voices of purity and perfectionism in her—cold, scolding, cruel voices. Sheryl shares how she worked through these voices with the help of a compassionate friend and dialoguing in her journal.

Victoria reflects on her fear of contamination, reckons with trying to play God, feels the pressure of perfectionism in her body, and sheds tears.

Sheryl describes her spiritual perspective on facing our fallibility and offers a ritual for release. And, she shares a meditation on what it feels like to know in your bones: you are loved. 

 

References:

• Thich Nhat Hahn’s Four Mantras of Presence
• The Jewish month of Elul
• The Examen 

The Fear of Death with Chaplain J.S. Park

In today's episode, we welcome a special guest, J.S. Park, to talk with us about that most primal human fear, the fear of death. And, we talk about the "lost language" of grief, and some of the historical roots of how and why we lost it.

As a hospital chaplain, J.S. Park offers grief counseling and end-of-life care among his many duties. We spoke with him about how this role has shaped the way that he views life and death. He shares a story of vulnerability, presence, and wonder, of living deeply into the fullness and complexity of his humanity. 

We know this is a very tender topic, especially for highly sensitive people who struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, and certain types of OCD. Please take good care of yourself and listen only if you want to, and only if you are feeling well-resourced and well-supported right now. 

The Power of the Pause

In today’s episode, we are talking about a simple, yet powerful tool we all can use as we seek to live from more wisdom and less reactivity: the ability to pause. Whether we are arguing with our partner, greeting a loved one as they enter the house, or moving from one task to the next, incorporating a pause can help us to shift our energy, practice gratitude, and remember who we really are and how we want to be.

Sheryl and Victoria take a one-minute pause in the middle of the episode (and invite you to as well), then discuss what came up for them—from self doubt, to last night’s dreams.

And, they reflect on how the pause is humanizing and friendly—a comma in the long run-on sentence of the day, a semi-colon wink of awareness, and even a reminder not to take it all so seriously.