Gathering Gold

Effort and Ease

Everything we do requires some effort. We wake up in the morning, and from that point forward, we exert effort, starting with getting out of bed and brushing our teeth.

In our society, it is easy to think of effort as synonymous with drudgery, exhaustion, and an attitude of "never enough." Because of this, we also have a complicated relationship with ease: we struggle to rest, and to trust ease. We often stumble from overexertion into numbing out.

Humans seem to be happiest when we find a flow between effort and ease, a satisfactory relationship with trying and allowing, practicing and surrendering. How do we come to cultivate that symbiotic relationship in our lives? How do we find that flow?

This is what we explore in today’s episode.

References:

Mindset, by Carol Dweck

Taylor Swift commencement speech at NYU

Taylor Swift's "Mirrorball"

Tricia Hersey’s The Nap Ministry

Hannah Morris Bouldering YouTube channel

Growing Up and Knowing Ourselves

In today’s solo episode, Victoria responds to Patreon Community questions about resistance to growing up and learning to connect to our wants, needs, and values.

Sharing anecdotes from her life, she reflects on core fears and beliefs inside the aversion to responsibility and adulthood, and discusses gentle approaches to examining the invitations inside our existential anxieties.

She also shares approaches to developing a stronger relationship with ourselves, even when we feel very disconnected, and to making decisions while holding space for ambivalence.

References:

• Perennials Podcast
• The four givens of existential psychotherapy
• Section from Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself: “I contain multitudes”
• “Make a decision, then make it right” Instagram post
• Window of tolerance 
• Being in a state of "flow"
• Rainer Maria Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet

 

The Good Girl and the Inner Teenager

You may be familiar with the inner child and the inner adult, but when was the last time you thought about your inner teenager?

In today’s episode, we’re exploring what qualities this often-forgotten inner part brings to the table. And, we’re exploring why those of us who grew up trying to embody the “good girl” might have struggled to fully tap into the potential of our inner teenager. The characters are seemingly at odds: as Sheryl explains, if the good girl is all about saying yes, the inner teenager is all about saying no.

But with our loving adult at the helm, ready to guide both the child and the teenager to safety and freedom, what might they have to learn from each other? And what might they have to teach us now? 

All this, and more, in today’s conversation. 

 

References: 

• Little Women
• Play adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank
• Gathering Gold Purity & Perfectionism episode
• Gathering Gold Sexual Sovereignty episode 
• Mae Martin’s SAP
• A Midsummer Night’s Dream
• Gathering Gold Summer episode
• Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher 

Breaking the Worry Habit

Studies suggest that about 85% of what we worry about never happens.

And yet, for many of us, worrying is a way of life. It is our go-to response when we face uncertainty or perceive a threat to something or someone we care about deeply. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares personal reflections on her relationship to worry as her eldest son Everest embarks on the hardest challenge he has ever faced. She has a thousand reasons to worry, but an even more important reason to break the habit, and tap into another way of expressing her unshakeable love for her son, and her abiding trust in this life. 

In this conversation, we spend time in the realm of spirit and sky, feeling into the mystery of trust and surrender. And, we spend time planted into the earth, focusing on the things we can control, where we place our attention, and choices we make about which thoughts and actions to water and grow. 

Creativity

There are all sorts of blocks that get in the way of us connecting to our creativity, our life force.

There’s the inner critic, and then there are the outer critics. There’s perfectionism, and the fear that “it’s all been done before.” There’s the despair of "not enough," and the ache of lacking inspiration.

Even after we’ve bushwhacked our way through the thickets of inner resistance to actually create something, we often prick ourselves on thorny choices around sharing what we’ve made. How do we know when it’s time to share, or if it ever needs to be shared? Is wanting to share our creativity inherently narcissistic? What if we get attention for it? What if no one pays attention? What’s the point of all of it, anyway?

All of this, and more, in today's episode.

References:

• Jeremy Taylor's dreamwork 
• Mary Oliver's poetry and On Being interview
• Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED talk, Oprah talk, and book Big Magic 
• Magic Lessons Podcast episode with Brené Brown
• Marion Woodman's Sitting by the Well
• Perennials Podcast Episode 16: Lucky You with Erika Carter 

Exploring the Depths of OCD with Stuart Ralph

We are honored to bring you a conversation with Stuart Ralph, host of The OCD Stories podcast. 

Stuart founded The OCD Stories podcast in 2015 to improve the lives of those with OCD. He holds a masters degree in psychological therapies from the University of London, Queen Mary and a masters degree in integrative child and adolescent counselling and psychotherapy from the University of Roehampton. He works in private practice as a child and adolescent counsellor and psychotherapist in the UK. 

In this episode, Stuart graciously shares his personal experiences with OCD, from his first childhood intrusive thoughts, to dealing with an OCD relapse as a new therapist.

We discuss why Stu chooses to practice as an integrative therapist, and how he uses modalities including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Compassion-Focused Therapy, and psychodynamic approaches alongside Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). 

Aliveness

Can we find a sense of aliveness rooted in our everyday lives?

Does the magic of life disappear as we age?

How do we take responsibility for our own aliveness?

In today’s episode, we are exploring all these questions and more to get at the heart of what it means to live fully and deeply, swimming in a sea of fear, courage, and connection. 

When we stop taking risks, aliveness shrinks. 

When we ignore hard feelings, aliveness suffers.

When we hide from the world, aliveness is elusive. 

We invite you to get curious and consider: what areas of life are calling for you attention? 

References:

• Richard Rohr quote: “Mystery is not something you can’t know. Mystery is endless knowability. Living inside such endless knowability is finally a comfort, a foundation of ultimate support, security, unrestricted love, and eternal care. For all of us, it takes much of our life to get there; it is what we surely mean by ‘growing’ in faith. I can’t prove this to you. Each soul must learn on its own, hopefully aided by observing other faith-filled people.”
• Gilmore Girls episode "The Third Lorelai" 
• Ladybird: "Don't you think maybe they are the same thing -- love and attention?"
• The Four Givens of Existential Therapy
• A Streetcar Named Desire: "The opposite is desire."

Stories We Tell Ourselves

We tell ourselves stories all the time, often stories with roots in fear and protection:

 

"I’m not smart enough."

"They’re mad at me."

"I’ll never be able to…" (fill in the blank)

 

The stories can become so engrained in us, and occur to us so quickly, that we often forget to stop and think about where they come from, and whether they are still, or ever were, really true. Might there be another interpretation that is equally true, more true, or simply more helpful?

In today’s episode, we talk about the act of resistant reading to uncover bias, root out shame, and start to notice the stories we tell about ourselves, each other, and the world. This is a practice that goes beyond the cognitive realm of words and goes deep into our bodies, into the stories that live within us on a cellular level. 

And we start to explore the question: How can we start to tell ourselves more helpful stories—with our words, with our actions, and with our bodies?