Gathering Gold

Social Anxiety

We all know the feeling: jitters before a birthday party. Melting into the wall during a wedding reception. Obsessing over that awkward hug you gave at the potluck.

Everyone has their moments of social anxiety, but some of us suffer with it more chronically, perhaps managing a mixture of avoidance and overcompensation. We might worry that we are too quiet or too loud, too boring or too obnoxious—somehow just not right. Our fear of others’ judgment interweaves with our own harsh inner critic. 

While humans are apt to underestimate how much people like us, we also all have had experiences of rejection that left scars. Highly sensitive people, introverted people, and people with anxiety have our own particular fear of being shunned because of our difference. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares stories of her own past social scars that have contributed to social anxiety across her life, from getting kicked out a clique in fifth grade to feeling invisible in her synagogue in recent years.

In this conversation, we dig into the soil of social anxiety to find the gems hidden under layers of sediment: our genuineness and our capacity to care and love.

References:

• Episode of Hidden Brain, “How Others See You”
• Matt Haig quote: “Never be cool. Never try to be cool. Never worry what the cool people think. Head for the warm people. Life is warmth. You’ll be cool when you’re dead.”

Work and Career Anxiety

Highly sensitive people bring many gifts to work, and we also face unique challenges—including a persistent longing to bridge the gap between our ideals and the reality of our work life.

Whether we are full-time caregivers, lawyers, teachers, baristas, artists, or project managers, we might wonder: am I on the right path? Do I belong in this field? Might the grass be greener somewhere else?

We have also been conditioned to believe that our work, our career, is a reflection of our worthiness. This can keep us stuck in a myriad of ways: we might fear that we don’t deserve to even try for a career that we’re deeply interested in, or we might struggle to leave a role that isn’t a good fit simply because it’s prestigious. 

In today’s episode, we’re exploring questions around work and career anxiety, including how to show up fully in a good enough job, and how to manage anxiety when it's time to make a career transition. 

The Witching Hour

The witching hour: a time in the middle of the night when we sometimes wake from a potent dream or nightmare, eyes wide in the darkness, heart and body filled with something--fear or grief, regret or restlessness, poems or prayers.

In today's episode, we discuss this mysterious portal and how we might find gold glittering in the darkest hours before dawn.

References:

• “Dedicated to the One I Love,” by the Mamas and the Papas
• Britannica definition of “Witching Hour”
• Wise Child, by Monica Furlong 
• Dreamworker Jeremy Taylor
• Sheryl’s blog posts about "The Witching Hour," with cited comment by Kim 

Sheryl’s Conscious Transition

In today’s special episode, Sheryl shares her story of navigating a major transition over the past year: ushering her eldest son out of the nest and into college far from home.

 

Sheryl shares passages from her journal that detail how she rode the waves of grief, reached for support, and found relief after bringing Everest to school and adjusting to home life without him.

 

And, she and Victoria discuss some of the pillars that hold up highly sensitive people during the micro and momentous transitions throughout life.

 

References:

Elizabeth Bishop’s poem “One Art”

Khalil Gibran’s poem “Your children are not your children” 

Golden Nugget Minisode - Olivia’s Update

We hope you enjoy today's "Golden Nugget" mini-episode! We're sharing a voicemail from our lovely listener Olivia, who asked the question that inspired our episode Expectations, Emotions, and Very Big Days.

Listen in to hear what happened for Olivia and her partner after she submitted her question, listened to the episode, and sat with the uncertainty of how to approach her wedding day and marriage anxieties.

Visit our Patreon to learn more about submitting voicemails and enjoying future Golden Nugget mini-sodes: www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

Healing Shame

Many of us feed our shame with the very food that makes it grow: criticism and cruelty that inspires deeper disconnection and despair. We think that we can control and punish ourselves into perfection, that we can banish our exiled parts into the shadowlands and transcend hurt and vulnerability.

And yet, if we take the risk to feed our shame with love, acceptance, and compassion, we will see what’s underneath: a young, soft part of ourselves who is here to help us heal.

How do we find that love and compassion and heal our shame?

This is what we explore in today’s episode.

References:

• Feeding Your Demons
• Queer Eye
• Heartstopper
• Sap and Feel Good
• Sounds True webinar about Internal Family Systems (with Elizabeth Gilbert and Jonathan Van Ness)
• Harm reduction movement 
• Ted Lasso
• Never Have I Ever
• Dr. Kristin Neff
• Carl Rogers

The Cloak of Shame

Everyone feels shame at one time or another.

For some of us, shame is an occasional or even rare experience. It’s an awful feeling, but manageable.

For others, shame is a state that we are particularly prone to; our shame gets activated quickly and intensely. We might even walk around in a haze of free-floating shame, inhaling it with the air we breathe. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria explore shame and some of its shifting forms: shame as a creature of the dark that hides out in our innermost places, that flees when we attempt to bring it into the light. Shame as a voice we hear deep inside, convincing us that we don’t deserve love and belonging. Shame as a cloak, shielding us from the vulnerability of exposure and visibility.

Join us in this episode to tug at the cloak and take a peek at what's underneath.

References:

• Break Free from Anxiety 9-month course
• "The Good Girl and the Inner Teenager" episode
• Sheryl’s most recent blog post: "Healing Shame is One of the Keys to Healing Anxiety"
• Sheryl's "You Are Loved" MP3
• Shame Spiral podcast
• Harriet Lerner
• Feeding Your Demons: Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict, by Tsultrim Allione
• Andrea Gibson on double suffering
• Jen Campbell talking about queer coding and disability coding in Disney
• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course
• Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Expectations, Emotions and Very Big Days (from Patreon)

Today's episode is from the Gathering Gold Patreon Bonus Episode vault! Sheryl and Victoria address a question from Olivia, who is considering marriage with her partner. Olivia's family expects a big wedding, but she dreads being the center of attention. Also...she has some fears about making this forever commitment.

Though Olivia's question is about marriage, the themes in this episode will resonate with anyone currently facing a big transition, like Sheryl and Victoria: right now, Sheryl is preparing to bring her eldest son to college for the first time, and Victoria is wrapping up her last few days at the job she has held for the past nine years.

Stay tuned for reflections to come on these big milestones. 

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Click here to learn about our Patreon, and here to register for Sheryl's 9-month course: Break Free from Anxiety.