Gathering Gold

The Edge of Spring

In today's episode, Sheryl reflects on the liminal time between winter and spring, and the way that this season emphasizes a certain truth about life: that joy and grief are intimately, irrevocably connected. That we experience not grief, then joy, not life, then death, but all of it, together, always. 

"We think linearly--but maybe, that's not how time, and grief, and memory co-exist. And it's spring that reveals these cross-sections."

References:

• Sheryl's blog post "Fear Distorts Perception"

 

Spring Equinox

The spring equinox is a moment of symmetry and balance; the sun sits exactly above the equator, and we experience an equal amount of daylight and darkness.

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares her thoughts on the spiritual experience of symmetry, and how fractals in nature convince her that this world is one of not only chaos, but also order—and why that matters so much to highly sensitive people.

We also discuss the yin and yang nature of seasons, the beauty in asymmetry, and how a healthy relationship with rituals and repetition can help us find and make meaning. 

References:

Quote from Madeleine L’Engle's A Swiftly Tilting Planet.

Nature journal article “Why Symmetry Matters,” by Mario Livio

The Age of Adeline (2015)

Groundhog Day (1993)

How Stuff Works article "Why Do We Get So Much Pleasure from Symmetry?" by Dave Roos

The Accidental Universe: The World You Thought You Knew, by Alan Lightman

Trauma Collisions in Relationships

Today’s episode was inspired by a recent post that Sheryl shared on Instagram about trauma collisions in longterm relationships.

In this conversation, we explore what trauma collisions are (and are not), how they differ from arguments, and how we can become more mindful and skillful in responding to them. 

Sheryl underscores the role of self-awareness in uncovering the understory of a trauma collision, finding compassion for ourselves and our partners, and creating new, healthier patterns. 

We discuss demon dances, childhood wounds, and the core human longing for both separateness and intimacy.

References:

• Sheryl’s IG post about trauma collisions
• Love and Awakening, John Welwood
• Essay “Intimate Relationship as Transformative Path” by John Welwood
• A Little Book on the Human Shadow, Robert Bly
• Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT)
• Attachment theory
• Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson
• Sue Johnson’s workbooks and video series
• Rilke quote about those in marriage being "the guardian of the other's solitude.”

Irritation in Relationships

You just sat down with a cup of tea and a good book. You’re deeply invested in the plot and sinking into glorious alone time, when suddenly, you hear footsteps. Your partner appears in the room. 

“What’s for dinner?” they ask. 

Your entire body is instantly flooded with one feeling: irritation. 

It’s a feeling that we all have from time to time, including with the people we love most in the world: our partners, family members, and friends. And yet, we can easily feel jolted by irritation or annoyance. “Oh no,” we might say to our selves. “What’s wrong with me/them/our relationship that I feel this way? Aren’t I supposed to always feeling loving, patient, and kindly towards them?”

In today’s episode, we’re exploring irritation in relationships, and what it might be pointing to when our skin crawls in response to the way our partner loads the dishwasher—or, God forbid, when a parent asks, “How was your day?”

And of course, we look for the gold shimmering just underneath this seemingly ungracious emotion.

References:

Sheryl's blog post: "When You Feel Irritated with Your Partner"

January: The God of the Doorway

The month of January is named after the Roman god Janus: the god of the doorway. Janus was said to have two faces: one looking ahead, and one looking behind. 

We are now in the liminal month of January, moving between two years and looking forward and backward just like Janus. In today's episode, Sheryl encourages us to meet this liminality with curiosity and compassion. Though we may feel off-kilter and groundless, though we may be full of questions, there is gold to gather in this month of doorways.

What doorways might you meet this month? What gold might you gather?

References:

• Sheryl's blog post "January: the Liminal Month"
• The Nature of Reading book shop
• Looking for the Hidden Folk, by Nancy Marie Brown
• The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore

Sacred Sexuality

In today’s episode, we return gently to sacred ground: the ground of our sexuality. 

Last January, we explored what it means to own our sexual sovereignty through reclaiming our right and ability to say no. Today, we begin uncovering our inherent yes, which was likely shamed early in our lives.

Sheryl encourages us to gently orient ourselves back towards our innate curiosity, belief in our own goodness, and appreciation for our bodies and beauty. We embrace the power of sharing stories of early sexual exploration, as participants of Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course do throughout the program. And we reflect on the importance of making room for fear, seeking out helpful educational materials, and finding our own unique relationship to sexuality, not trying to fit into an externally-prescribed template.

Learn more about Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course, which starts January 13th, on her website. 

References:

• Last year’s Gathering Gold "Sexual Sovereignty" episode
• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course
• Sheryl’s blog post, “We Have Forgotten Who We are” https://conscious-transitions.com/we-have-forgotten-who-we-are/
• The Chalice and the Blade, by Riane Eisler
• Barbie film (2023)
• Beautiful Dreamers film (1990)
• Walt Whitman
• Gathering Gold "Fairy Tales by the Fireside" episode
• Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski
• Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, by Vanessa Marin
• Emily Dickinson poem, “Tell All the Truth But Tell It Slant”

Fairy Tales by the Fireside with Daev Finn

In this special episode, Sheryl's husband Daev Finn joins the show to continue our seasonal exploration of wintry themes. A psychotherapist who uses the metaphor of myth and fairy tales in his work, Daev offers his perspective on the Brothers Grimm telling of "Briar Rose" (otherwise known as "Sleeping Beauty").

Daev, Sheryl, and Victoria read the tale aloud, then share their reflections on themes of slumber, sexuality, growing up, and banishment. Daev offers perspective on the history of myths and fairytales and their problematic parts, Sheryl reflects on the treatment of powerful women in patriarchal narratives, and Victoria muses on how this tale cautions us to rethink banishing our inner "thirteenth fairy."

Find Daev on Instagram @followyourmyth

References:

• "Briar Rose" text
• Disney film Maleficent (2014)
• The myths of Psyche, Persephone, and Perceval 
• The entitled prince vs. positive prince role models: Aladdin, Luke Skywalker, Kristoff from Frozen (2013)
• French author Charles Perrault
• Moana (2016)
• The story of the Buddha 
• Protagonists with self-agency: "Hansel and Gretel", Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter
• A non-binary hero(ine) in literature: Orlando, by Virginia Woolf
• Modern myth-makers Neil Gaiman, Joseph Campbell, and George Lucas

Music in this episode:

• Gathering Gold theme music by Jarrett Farkas
• "Glacier" by SalmonLikeTheFish

Winter Solstice

We are approaching the shortest day and longest night of the year in the Northern hemisphere.

In preparation for the winter solstice, Sheryl invites us to anchor ourselves in time and find communion with the luminous dark.

How might we celebrate the triumph of light, the gift of the sun, while also welcoming the wisdom of darkness?

How might we balance the need to rest and turn inward with the need to brave the cold, to go out into the world?

How can we cultivate peace within ourselves in the face of all that is treacherous in this world—including the double-edged winter months, with their shimmer and ice, their harshness and beauty?

This is what we invite you to explore with us in today’s episode, and at our upcoming Patreon Meet-Up on December 21st. 

References:

• Gathering Gold Patreon (sign up for the Meet-Up Member tier to join our virtual meet-ups)
• Darkness and Light episode
• Winter’s Paradox episode 
• Francis Weller
• Effort and Ease episode