Gathering Gold

Aging Backwards (Sheryl Turns 50)

In today’s very special episode, Sheryl reflects on aging as she crosses the threshold into the next decade of life: her fifties. 

We talk about what it means to “age backwards,” and we consider the question: how can we become more curious, more open, softer and lighter as the years go, rather than more rigid and calcified? Is it possible that aging is, in some ways, not as linear as we think?

We unpack some of the stories and perceptions about aging that can make it difficult for us to accept and embrace the changes that come with the passage of time. Sheryl shares her thoughts on common messages about aging bodies and appearances, and how to let go of the “shoulds” we encounter in different stages of life. 

Sheryl also shares how she has been spending her time lately, moving from a Shmita year into a Jubilee year: slowing down, singing, learning Hebrew, and listening closely to her body. She shares some of her intentions and hopes for the future, including a special note about reclaiming her voice and her name. 

References:

• Mindsight by Daniel Siegel
• Story from Mindsight about 92 year old man who started therapy for the first time
• Shmita year and Jubilee year in Judaism

The Power of Laughter

Laughter is powerful. It can be a sign of deep comfort and intimacy, or a weapon used to reject and humiliate.  Some of us grew up in homes where jokes were plentiful but tears weren’t allowed; others may have felt that silliness or goofiness was frowned upon. For some, relationship anxiety attaches itself to questions like What if my partner isn’t funny enough? Or, Is my partner too silly? 

In today's episode, we’re talking about the importance of keeping a sense of humor when doing inner work, while also meeting our pain around unkind joking, teasing or sarcasm. Sheryl shares her own insecurities around humor, and addresses how family history and projection can play into humor-related relationship anxiety. 

Stay tuned to the *very* end of the episode to hear a blooper and some belly laughs from your hosts! 

References:

• Sheryl’s blog post: "How to Decode the Intrusive Thought: 'You’re Too Silly'”
• Pema Chodron
• Tara Brach
• James Martin and his book, Between Heaven and Mirth: Why Joy, Humor, and Laughter Are at the Heart of the Spiritual Life
• Article about the Dalai Lama: "Playful humor: the Dalai Lama's secret weapon"
• Glennon Doyle
• Brene Brown
• Norman Cousins

Burnout and Rest

After a short break, Gathering Gold is back with an episode about burnout and rest. We name just some of the many reasons why humans are tired right now, from navigating an ongoing global pandemic, to managing expectations around productivity and achievement. We land on a conversation about the unrelenting demands of technology that lead us to constant checking, producing, and multitasking, and exiting the present moment.

We discuss some of the fears underneath resistance to rest, and Sheryl shares her recent experience of taking a break from Instagram. We talk about learning to pay attention to our own rhythms, and saying no to some things so we can say yes to others. 

Sheryl shares ideas for how we can replenish and recapture some energy as we move forward through ongoing uncertainty and transition.

References and Resources:

• Brené Brown's Dare to Lead podcast episode with Amy Cuddy about Pandemic Flux Syndrome
• Emily Dickinson's poem "If you were coming in the fall"
• Your Undivided Attention podcast
• The Social Dilemma documentary
• Center for Humane Technology
• Relationship coach Silvy Khoucasian
• Rabbi Lisa Rappaport
• Shemita year in Judaism
• Ted Lasso TV show
• The Nap Ministry
• Jewish Maariv prayer
• Eckhart Tolle
• "The Journey" poem by Mary Oliver
• When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

References and Resources:

• Brené Brown's Dare to Lead podcast episode with Amy Cuddy about Pandemic Flux Syndrome
• Emily Dickinson's poem "If you were coming in the fall"
• Your Undivided Attention podcast
• The Social Dilemma documentary
• Center for Humane Technology
• Relationship coach Silvy Khoucasian
• Rabbi Lisa Rappaport
• Shemita year in Judaism
• Ted Lasso TV show
• The Nap Ministry
• Jewish Maariv prayer
• Eckhart Tolle
• "The Journey" poem by Mary Oliver
• When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

The Goodness of Ordinary Life

What does it mean to live up to our potential, to fully experience life and to feel our lives are enough? Are we stuck choosing between constant striving for bigger and better or settling for boredom and apathy? In today’s episode, Sheryl shares memories of her grandparents that continue to inspire and inform her view of what it means to live a beautiful, simple, good life. Victoria unpacks some of her fear and shame around what it means to do and be “enough,” and asks Sheryl what has helped her to let go of the restlessness and fantasy that often color our younger years. Ultimately, we explore how approaching our daily lives with reverence and presence can lead us to find the extraordinary in the ordinary, and help us to experience greater contentment, connection and aliveness right here, right now. 

References:

• “The Red Wheelbarrow” by William Carlos Williams
• It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
• Soul (2020)
• Family Man (2000)
• Contemplative artist and spiritual director, Maria Bowler
• Richard Rohr
• Fred Rogers

School Anxiety, Part 2

In Part 2 of our episode about school anxiety, we dive more deeply into how school can impact our identity and sense of self, for better and for worse. Sheryl shares some perspective on different types of schooling, having homeschooled her children in the past and now sending them into their second year of school outside the home. We discuss the parts of our school years that we are most grateful for, and how school can help us build resilience. Sheryl shares rituals that parents and kids can do together to greet the new school year and move through any feelings, including grief, that may be present.

References:

• Sir Kenneth Robinson's talk "Changing Education Paradigms"

School Anxiety, Part 1

In today’s episode, we’re talking about school anxiety, and how feelings of dread or grief may arise as summer ends and the beginning of the school year lies right around the corner. We discuss why many highly sensitive people don’t like change, and the trick that Victoria used to get through the first few uncomfortable weeks of adjusting to a new school year. We also talk about some of the painful and even traumatic experiences that can color our school years or linger long after they’ve ended, from tragic world events to bullying and loneliness. And, Victoria shares a story about an amazing teacher who helped her feel safer in school again after a difficult year. 

References:

• Charlotte’s Web
• The Hogwarts houses of Harry Potter 

Travel Anxiety

In Episode 8, we’re talking about travel anxiety. Sheryl breaks down some of the reasons that travel can be so activating for highly sensitive people and reminds us of the importance of naming and honoring our temperament and needs, even when they don't conform with the "extrovert ideal." We discuss discerning how much we want to push ourselves out of our comfort zone without getting too overwhelmed, and share some of the spiritual practices that help us stay grounded as we stretch ourselves. And, we explore how travel, when met with consciousness and kindness, can offer opportunities for healing, growth and connection with ourselves, with people we love, and with the wider world.

References:

• The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

• "Fear is excitement without the breath." - Fritz Perls
• Tallit (prayer shawl)

Jealousy

In today's episode, we're talking about the green-eyed monster: jealousy. Where does this monster come from, and what does it feed on? What do we do when we feel it's taken over us?

Sheryl and Victoria pull this emotion out of the shadows and talk about their own jealous streaks. Sheryl shares experiences with jealousy in friendship, and painful betrayals in her earliest romantic relationships. Victoria shares a poem about her own imagined "monsters" under the bed, and the ways that jealousy feeds on comparison and our imaginations. 

We discuss letting ourselves feel the feeling, pulling our pre-frontal cortex back online when we're activated, aligning our actions with our values, and surrendering into trust. 

And, Sheryl shares alternative ways of looking at and working with that most dreaded dream that sometimes sneaks up on us in the night: the dream about our partner cheating. 

References:

"Jealous Guy" by John Lennon